Why did God let this happen?

Yesterday I was cleaning up my “junk room” and noticed just the top of a Bible study I had considered doing, sitting up on the dresser. Just the words on the back “why did God let this happen” were the only words that were showing. It is a study by Lysa Terkeurst, where she discusses her husbands affair and her battle with breast cancer. These two difficult situations in her life happened within months of one another.

Under the heading, “Why did God let this happen” it goes on to say…”Reality often ends up so very far from the life we long for, doesn’t it” (It’s Not Suppose to be this Way, Terkeurst). That statement wraps up the way we all feel right now. Facing the harsh reality that Nolan is gone slaps me hard and makes me feel things I have never felt in my life. I have grown sick of reality in the last few months! I don’t want to face it! I want to go to my room and stop any more pain from coming at me.

I want to stop the pain my family and Nolan’s family faces from being our new reality! I want that more than anything I know. I would gladly take any of the pain his parents feel if I could, but I know that is not possible. We all have to walk through this in our own way, according to the relationship we had with Nolan. I cannot imagine how his mama feels, I can only love her, and pray for her. She has to do this, and for that I am truly sorry.

I cannot stop what Tommy, Nolan’s dad feels. Today, Tommy’s mom, Nolan’s “Maw Maw” was laid to rest. I stood out at the graveside thinking how can this be happening to these preciouses people so soon after Nolan passed away. Then the Lord spoke to my heart and reminded me how much “Maw Maw” loved Nolan and how she would have not been able to handle knowing he was gone.

The Lord took her before she knew the truth about her sweet grand baby. We were laughing with Kelsea today about how we love the story of “Maw Maw” picking up Nolan and Kelsea from school, and having Nolan a Tupperware container with ice and an ice, cold, coke waiting for him. I have always said I was gonna be like “Maw Maw” and pick up Laney from school when I can and have her an icy coke,and let her stop at the store, and get a snack. Nolan loved Combos! The pretzel and cheese snacks we all love.

We all wonder why these things happen to us? Why God let’s them happen? And to those questions I do not have an answer. One thing I do know is God will never leave us or forsake us. Today, I heard Pastor Bill speak from the book of Judges, where we find the story of Gideon. Judges 6:12, says “the Lord is with you”. We see in Joshua 1:5b “that I will never leave or forsake you”. God promises all of us to always be with us. He is even with us when we do not understand what is happening in our lives.

I have said to many in the last couple of months, how I do not know how to describe how I feel except I want to run and scream! I want to scream at the top of my lungs..”Lord, please take this pain, because I cannot bear it”. I know my pain is a fraction of what others are feeling, and for that my heart breaks. I think of his sweet “Maw Maw” and how much joy she must have had the minute she realized she had one of her precious grand boys with her forever!

I know how much Nolan loved “Maw Maw” and Granny Annie,and now he is with them and his Savior. That makes my heart sing. It takes some of the unending pain and gives some relief. If only for a moment, we all need to feel just a little glimmer of hope. Pastor Jeff preached at “Maw Maw” funeral and told us to remember we have hope in those ones who have gone before us, who had Christ in their hearts. I will try to spend a few moments rejoicing knowing Nolan and Maw Maw are where they are the happiest. They are with one another and in the loving arms of Jesus.

I can only imagine, what it will be like, when I walk by your side. I can only imagine, when all I will see, is your face, before me. I can only imagine…