Yesterday I was cleaning up my “junk room” and noticed just the top of a Bible study I had considered doing, sitting up on the dresser. Just the words on the back “why did God let this happen” were the only words that were showing. It is a study by Lysa Terkeurst, where she discusses her husbands affair and her battle with breast cancer. These two difficult situations in her life happened within months of one another.

Under the heading, “Why did God let this happen” it goes on to say…”Reality often ends up so very far from the life we long for, doesn’t it” (It’s Not Suppose to be this Way, Terkeurst). That statement wraps up the way we all feel right now. Facing the harsh reality that Nolan is gone slaps me hard and makes me feel things I have never felt in my life. I have grown sick of reality in the last few months! I don’t want to face it! I want to go to my room and stop any more pain from coming at me.

I want to stop the pain my family and Nolan’s family faces from being our new reality! I want that more than anything I know. I would gladly take any of the pain his parents feel if I could, but I know that is not possible. We all have to walk through this in our own way, according to the relationship we had with Nolan. I cannot imagine how his mama feels, I can only love her, and pray for her. She has to do this, and for that I am truly sorry.

I cannot stop what Tommy, Nolan’s dad feels. Today, Tommy’s mom, Nolan’s “Maw Maw” was laid to rest. I stood out at the graveside thinking how can this be happening to these preciouses people so soon after Nolan passed away. Then the Lord spoke to my heart and reminded me how much “Maw Maw” loved Nolan and how she would have not been able to handle knowing he was gone.

The Lord took her before she knew the truth about her sweet grand baby. We were laughing with Kelsea today about how we love the story of “Maw Maw” picking up Nolan and Kelsea from school, and having Nolan a Tupperware container with ice and an ice, cold, coke waiting for him. I have always said I was gonna be like “Maw Maw” and pick up Laney from school when I can and have her an icy coke,and let her stop at the store, and get a snack. Nolan loved Combos! The pretzel and cheese snacks we all love.

We all wonder why these things happen to us? Why God let’s them happen? And to those questions I do not have an answer. One thing I do know is God will never leave us or forsake us. Today, I heard Pastor Bill speak from the book of Judges, where we find the story of Gideon. Judges 6:12, says “the Lord is with you”. We see in Joshua 1:5b “that I will never leave or forsake you”. God promises all of us to always be with us. He is even with us when we do not understand what is happening in our lives.

I have said to many in the last couple of months, how I do not know how to describe how I feel except I want to run and scream! I want to scream at the top of my lungs..”Lord, please take this pain, because I cannot bear it”. I know my pain is a fraction of what others are feeling, and for that my heart breaks. I think of his sweet “Maw Maw” and how much joy she must have had the minute she realized she had one of her precious grand boys with her forever!

I know how much Nolan loved “Maw Maw” and Granny Annie,and now he is with them and his Savior. That makes my heart sing. It takes some of the unending pain and gives some relief. If only for a moment, we all need to feel just a little glimmer of hope. Pastor Jeff preached at “Maw Maw” funeral and told us to remember we have hope in those ones who have gone before us, who had Christ in their hearts. I will try to spend a few moments rejoicing knowing Nolan and Maw Maw are where they are the happiest. They are with one another and in the loving arms of Jesus.

I can only imagine, what it will be like, when I walk by your side. I can only imagine, when all I will see, is your face, before me. I can only imagine…

Just five weeks after Laney was born, her best friend and cousin, Karlee, came into the world. My baby cousin, Jennifer and her husband Josh, chose the path of adoption. This path happily led us to having two girl babies in our family in just a little over a month! Making us all so happy!

When Alexis got pregnant with Laney, I told her I would help keep her baby. I told her I would keep Laney a couple days a week, so she wouldn’t have to put her in daycare, when she was a young infant. I told my baby cousin, Jennifer, the same thing as soon as we found out she and her husband, Josh, were on the waiting list to adopt a new born. Little did we all know how quickly all of our lives would change! Alexis and Nolan had sweet, little Laney and not more than a week or so had gone by when Jennifer got the call her and Josh would meet the biological Mom who had chosen them to adopt her child.

Well they met the biological Mom and it wasn’t long before she delivered our sweet Karlee Anne! So, we now have two babies who are only five weeks apart and do everything at about the same time. When I say everything, I mean crawl, and yell loudly, especially when someone takes the other ones toy, or book! And a lot of yelling goes on if Laney thinks someone is gonna get her “puffs”! She goes wild!

These two have stolen all of our hearts! They have made my days happy when I was feeling down or sad. One of my friends, Cathy, when I told her how much they have helped me through losing Nolan, said, “you know the Lord knows what we need even before we need it”! There is so much truth in that statement she made! Yes, God does know. He knew we needed Laney and Karlee so desperately, He gave them both to us. In just a little over a month, we suddenly had two of the sweetest, little people I have ever known.

It doesn’t matter whether we live with the person who gave birth to us or the parents God hand picked for us, we are loved by a Heavenly Father. Loved more than we could ever comprehend! I can’t imagine loving two little people more than I do Laney and Karlee, even if I gave birth to them myself.

Knowing how I feel about Karlee and what she means to our family, made me look through the Scriptures to see what God says about adoption. We see in Scripture we are adopted into the family of Christ! 2 Corinthians 6:18, says, “And I will be a father to you, and you will be my sons and daughters, says they Lord almighty!” (NIV). The Lord promises to be a Father to the fatherless. Isn’t this so comforting?

Through the love of Jesus and His perfect will for our lives, Karlee has a Heavenly Father and an earthly father, who both love her! Karlee has a Mom, who is one of the best. A Mom handpicked by God Himself.

Just today, I entered a writers challenge to write a devotional on a certain passage of Scripture. The Scripture I was assigned is found in Ephesians 1:3-6. Verses 5 and 6 says, “In love He predestined is for adoption to Himself as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of His will, to the praise of his glorious grace, with which He has blessed us in the Beloved. (ESV).

Is it a coincidence I was assigned a passage of Scripture on a subject I had already been studying? Is it just a coincidence Karlee was adopted into our family just at the time we needed her? It is a coincidence Karlee and Laney were born so close together at a time we were gonna need them the most? I am sure the answer is no! No, it isn’t coincidence. It is the work of an Almighty, all-knowing, loving and ever- present, God!

Lord, I ask you to help us see your hand in every situation. When we face troubling times, help us to remember you are always working behind the scenes, to provide us with exactly what we will need. I thank you for Karlee, and what she means to my family and especially what she means to me. Thank you for bringing her in our lives to be with us, during the hardest time we could ever imagine we would face. Thank you Laney has a life-long friend and someone she can always lean on. You are surely good to us! In your name, Amen.

During the hardest situations, during the times that mold you into who you are, remember you are adopted by God. You are fully chosen by the One who gave you life.

Did I do something wrong? I thought I tried to do right, raise my children, and love Jesus with all my heart… These are things my family, and Nolan’s family (they are my family too), has been known to say to each other over the last 8 weeks. These questions we have asked one another have made me ask myself, “What is God trying to teach me”….

I will honestly say I do not know what He is trying to teach me in these moments of deep sorrow. Maybe He wants all of us who are overwhelmed with grief to know, God, is the only source of strength we need.

Not many days after Nolan passed away, I saw a painting from Cry Freedom Mission Shoppe, that I knew I had to have in my home. I had my husband, Bill, hang it where I would be able to see it no matter where I was sitting in my living room. The picture has the words from a very popular Contemporary Christian song called “Waymaker”. It says, Waymaker, Miracle worker, Promise keeper, light in the darkness, that is who you are”…

He is the light in the darkness! I cannot let my mind and heart forget that He is the light in a dark situation. God is going to make a way for me, Nolan’s parents, Alexis and Laney, and all of us who mourn together.

I also bought my sister, Kenni Nicole, and my niece, Ava Claire this same painting. I want Ava Claire to always remember that Jesus is the way maker and miracle worker and His promises endure forever. One of the hardest things to deal with besides the grief, Angie and Tommy, and Alexis have, is the pain in Ava Claire’s eyes. She is just a ten year-old precious child, who is unable to, at her age, process the loss of someone, so special in her life.

The day after Nolan’s accident, Ava Claire asked me to explain what I thought happened to him. I told her I was unsure of what actually happened, but I assured her, Nolan, was in heaven and rejoicing with Jesus. I told her to think of his sweet Granny Annie and Mrs. Sugg and how much they loved him and were so happy to have their baby with them. I said, “Granny Annie got her baby back!”, to this Ava Claire smiled through her tears.

It is hard to help an adult, much less a child, process their grief. The good thing about Ava Claire and my young grandsons, Jackson, Collin and Harrison, is they all know the Lord. They know, even as hard as this is, that Nolan is with our Savior. They all have Jesus in their hearts, and this makes the pain we are all experiencing, whether we are young or old, a little easier.

Right now I cannot tell you what God wants to me learn through all of this, but I know He wants me to rely on Him and Him alone. This world cannot offer the comfort Jesus can provide. He says in His Word, ” And the peace of God, which passes all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus”. (Philippians 4:7, ESV).

Dear Lord, I do not know what you want me to learn in this season of deep heartbreak, but I know you are our way maker. Please help us understand your peace that passes all understanding and let that peace fill our hearts. In your name, I pray, Amen.

These words were wired to her husband from the dear, Anna Spafford, after their four children perished when the ship, Ville du Havre collided with a Scottish ship, Loche Earn. Anna, was on the ship with her four small children, going ahead of her husband, Horatio. He decided to stay behind and travel a few days later, so he could handle an unexpected business problem.

The Spafford’s were no strangers to tragedy, their small son had died of pneumonia, several years before their other children perished, when the two ships collided in the Atlantic Ocean in 1873. They had also lost most of their business in a Chicago fire the same year their young son succumbed to pneumonia. This family definitely knew what it was like to experience heartbreak and tragedy.

The first time I was made aware of this story, my cousin, Brad, talked on it in our AWANA kids group. We were having our large group time and he was speaking on dealing with the hard things in life. He began to talk about how the song, “It is well” came to be. After that night, I started to read on how Horatio Spafford, came to write such a powerful song!

Last night, Nolan’s precious Mom, Angie, came by my home for a minute. I have some art work on my living room wall that says, “It is well, with my soul”. She asked me if I knew the story behind that song, and I told her I did. We talked about what an amazing story it is. How can a man write that it is well with his soul, when all of his children have passed away? How can anyone even get themselves up off the floor if all of their children are gone? The answer is simple, it is possible with the Lord.

Just like dear Anna Spafford, who said I have lost all of my children and I do not know why, but one day I will. We know one day we will understand why Nolan was taken from us. We may not ever know it on this side of heaven, but we will when we see Jesus face to face.

Horatio Spafford penned the words, “When peace like a river attendeth my way, when sorrows like sea billows roll, whatever my lot thou has taught me to say, it is well, it is well with my soul”. Those words ring so true. Sorrows roll in like the sea! They come in when you least expect it and hit so hard, yet when they do, we know God is walking right beside us to see us through. We do not know the why’s, but we know who holds us in the palm of His hand!

Psalm 147:3, “He heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds”. (NIV).

Dear Lord, I ask you today, no matter what heartbreak we are facing, that You bind up our wounds. Please walk with us in this difficult time, and give us the peace that passes all understanding. For we love you with an unwavering love, and need you with us every minute. In your name we pray, Amen.

Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change. James 1:17 (ESV).

How many times do we stop to think about all the little gifts God gives us everyday? Today, I went outside to see my blooming amaryllis flower bed. No, I am not responsible for this beauty in my front lawn, the previous home owner is,

and I am so thankful for all the work she put into the landscaping!

Before being made to stay home, my life was so busy, I did not stop to see all the little things God has given us, because I was always in a hurry. In a hurry to get to work, in a hurry to get home from work and cook dinner or do homework, or get to church and work with the kids at church. Yes, going to work with the kids at church is good, but the point is I was always hurrying. I simply was not stopping to see all the perfect gifts God beings into our lives everyday.

My time at home has been a time filled with grief. Losing Nolan, has been the hardest thing any of us in my family or his family has ever faced. It has been hard and it has been eye-opening. I realize what a gift Nolan was to me. Yes, God gave him to us for a short time, but what a gift he was! I have learned through all of this to see the good in all God gives us everyday. No one in this life is promised to us forever. So, while they are here we better make the best of their time here, because when that will end is not known.

Yes, I told Nolan all the time I loved him..but what if he didn’t really know how much? Do not let anyone you love go another minute not knowing how you feel! Get up and do the things that make them know they are loved. Loved beyond measure!

I have learned so much in this time of loss. I have learned who is willing to do whatever it takes to help you in your darkest hours. The nighttime is the hardest. So, my friends know this, and they check on me at night when they know I am struggling. For this I thank them from the bottom of my heart. They are being the hands and feet of Jesus, which is what we are called to do.

From now on when anyone loses someone who means so much to them. I won’t be scared to go see them because I feel they have so much going on already. I will do what I know is right, and go anyway. Let’s face it, no one can be loved too much.

Jesus loves us so much he gave His life for us. That is the one true love..in His word we find..Jesus is the way, the truth and the light..no man comes to the Father, except by me. (John 14:6).

Stop letting anything get in the way of stopping and appreciating all God has for your life. The old saying says….”stop and smell the roses”.. well let’s do it.

Do not let another day go by that you don’t stop and appreciate all God has given you. Because He has given you everything..everything you need. Stop and make sure you take it all in.

My daughter-in-law, Morgan Sugg, jokes about me writing a book (she has one coming out in 2021). We joke that at least one chapter has to be devoted to to church names… You see, she is from Texas and they keep their church names simple, but here in the Carolina’s, we keep the names long and drawn out. (We will address that fact another day 😊).

Another chapter of my book, as we jokingly say, has to be devoted to Shannon. Shannon, is my ex-husband, Anthony’s, youngest daughter, and she is the person who glues us all together. Shannon is a beautiful girl, and honestly one of the smartest people I know. Yet, she has no clue of those things, she is simply Shannon. She is lighthearted, easy to laugh, and always quick with a joke. She says things that make us know she has no clue of her beauty or her intelligence, and that’s why we love her so much!

One time Shannon and my daughter, Morgan, were talking about Shannon going to college next year. Shannon said, “I think I have a 4.2 GPA”, “I hope I can get into college somewhere” 😐 Morgan replied something like this…”I think you will be able to get in somewhere” 🤦‍♀️ I am sure Morgan was thinking things like…”are you for real” and “yeah kid, you can go anywhere”.

You see the innocence of someone who does not know how others see them, what others know to be true about them, is refreshing. Shannon does not brag or boast. Shannon is quick to give anyone a helping hand. She will gladly come help me with Laney and Karlee. She is also quick to come help me with Math homework, and never act like…”why don’t you know this?” She simply accepts I have not been to school in a long time and need some help.

I recently wrote a blog “Lessons I learned from a baby”. Well it could easily be…”Lessons I learned from Shannon”. Shannon knows no limits. She is one of the 2020 graduates who will not know what it is like to walk across the stage and receive a diploma, while all her family and friends cheer her on. Her sister, Miranda, is graduating from Campbell University this year and also will not get the graduation she deserves. Does that bring these two sweet kids down? No it does not. They simply know all things work together for good.

Let’s all keep in mind. Love comes from many places. Love for me, with Shannon and Miranda, comes from a teenager and a college student, who really aren’t any kin to me technically, but I will always claim them as my own.

What is one of your true loves? What has God unexpectedly given you? God gives us unexpected people, who give us love beyond compare! They make life easier. They make the grief we are feeling, due to our present circumstances, a little more bearable.

So, love the ones God gave you. The ones who never leave you. The ones who are always there in the hard times. The ones who come in your life in unexpected ways.

When I first began my time at home, I thought a lot about writing a little devotional book. Not that I am really qualified, but thought I could use some of the things I have learned in this life to maybe help someone else. For the last three years, I have been going to college at Liberty University. I haven’t been going with a clear plan in mind, I have just been going because I felt that is what God was asking me to do. Through attending college, I have learned to write things like papers, essays and discussion boards. I have found I love to write, especially if it’s a subject I am passionate about.

I decided after being mandated to stay home that I would write a little devotional. It was a little bit overwhelming and I knew no one would ever read it unless it was published, and we all know that is a daunting task. It does not happen overnight, and it does not happen to many people. So, I thought I would start a blog. Someone may see it and it might be a blessing to them.

The last blog post I hit finish on was about my birthday falling on Good Friday. Little did I know just a few hours after I published it, my whole world change forever. You see,I lost someone that night. Someone I love with all my heart. Someone who picked on me, yet always treated me special. Someone who loved my oldest daughter, Alexis, with all of his heart. Someone who loved his family, even his in-laws, with all the love he had in his heart, was gone.

You see I lost Nolan, my precious son-in-law, on Friday March 27th, 2020, went to be with his Heavenly Father. He stole my whole families heart. He gave me the best gift ever, my Laney, my beautiful granddaughter. She too stole all of our hearts!

The night Nolan passed was the hardest one of my life, the hardest for any of our family. My precious daughter, Morgan, was sent to pick me up because my husband knew I would never be able to drive with the sudden news I was about to be told. She made sure I did not know until after we were safely at Tommy and Angie, Nolan’s parents home. We both agreed on the way we would call my step-son, Brad, and let him pray while Morgan drove us. Morgan did the bravest thing she could do for me in that moment. She kept the horrible reality I was about to face a secret, until we we safely arrived with the rest of our family.

My daughter, Morgan is what you would say is the best, the best a Mom could ask for. She knew I would come undone, so she did the hard thing and kept the harsh reality from me. For this I will be forever thankful. She knew what had to be done and she did it. She knew I could not handle what I was about to face and she attempted to soften the blow. Brad, also did all he could by praying every time I picked up the phone to call him.

But most of all, in all of this, I want to be thankful for the two people who deserve it the most, Tommy and Angie! Two people who raised such a fine man. A man who loved Alexis with all he had. A man who had a child and loved her with all he had. For this I thank them from the bottom of my heart. I thank Nolan for being a man no one can ever compare to. While God only gave Nolan to us for a short time, in that time he impacted our lives in profound ways.

One memory of Nolan that will always live with me was the day him and Alexis got married. After the ceremony was over and they walked out and the wedding party, including me the mom were escorted out, Nolan said something I will never forget. He told me when he saw Alexis coming down the aisle, he thought an angel was walking towards him. He made sure we all knew we were loved. The night they told me Laney was on the way, I laughed, I cried, I jumped up and down and he held onto me the whole time I let the very thing I had prayed so many days for sink in. I was beyond excited and he was too!

I thank Tommy and Angie for raising such a fine man. I recently had a conversation with my husband, Billy, about how people are quick to judge parents raising sons if they think they are being hard on them. But that being said, they are also glad for these sons who were raised once they see them grown up and need one of them. Nolan was one of the lucky ones who had parents who took the time to raise him. Raise him to be a man who knew how important it is to love the Lord and love his family. If any of us are fortunate enough to have one of these people in our lives, we need to be forever grateful.

I have had the privilege of knowing some of the “good ones”. I have a step-son who answers the phone every time I call. Who hears my cries and prays with me. I have Thomas who brings so much joy to my life. Who loves Morgan and loves all of us with all his heart. And I have had the privilege of having one of the best son-in-laws God ever gave anyone.

Nolan, if ever you knew anything about me, I hope you knew how much I love you! You were the most fun, the most handsome, the most precious son-in-law a person could ever dream to have. I love you always and forever! I will see you again..until then, know we all love you so much!

My birthday is coming up soon, which led me to look and see what day of the week it would fall on this year. So, I looked it up and it will fall on Good Friday this year. This led me to some other thoughts, like what Good Friday stands for and why is it referred to as Good Friday. I immediately did something I am known for and “googled it”, because if I do not know something, that is where I will begin.

First, I decided to see what the word “good” means according to the dictionary. I found four definitions including: “to be desired or approved of”, “having the qualities required for a particular role” (adjectives). Also, “that which is morally right”, “benefit or advantage to someone or something” (noun). (Oxford Dictionary). Now I am clear on what the word truly mean, so I continue. I also look up the dictionary meaning of Good Friday, which is, “the Friday before Easter Sunday, on which the Crucifixion of Jesus Christ is commemorated in the Christian Church. It is traditionally a day of fasting and penance”. (Oxford Dictionary).

Second, I found articles to read on the subject. The articles talk about how Good Friday is a crucial day when we celebrate the most momentous weekend. A weekend that began with Jesus dying a cruel death on the Cross. So, how can we call this day Good Friday if it is the day Jesus died on the Cross? I learned in Germany, the day is called “Sorrowful Friday”. Why don’t we call the day sorrowful if it marks the time Jesus was dying?

Third, I listened to a couple of sermons on the subject. They all mentioned what I had in the back of my mind as the answer. The answer is yes Jesus died and that was horrible, but the reason He died was good! He willingly went on a Cross to take away the sins of the WHOLE WORLD! Not one of us, everyone of us. How can that not be good? I don’t know about you, but I am a horrible sinner. A horrible sinner who needed a Savior! The fact that Jesus died that day and took away my sins, asking nothing in return, except that we accept Him into our hearts and ask Him to take away all the wrong we have done, is well, Good! Really Good! John 12:46 says, “I have come as a light in the world, so that everyone who believes in me will not remain in darkness”. (New American Standard Version). Jesus walks us out of the darkness, into His shining light.

I also learned from reading up on this subject, that this day should be celebrated with fasting and prayer. Most of us go to work on this day, just like any other day. I know I am guilty of going to work and not taking time to stop and celebrate that Jesus would willingly do such a sacrificial thing for me. Something no one else has ever done for me, die. This led me to think what can I do from now on when this day comes around? Well, this year I will not be working due to the mandates to stay home. So this year I can start a new tradition for myself and take this day to celebrate what a wonderful Savior has done for me, when He gave up His life for mine. I think of a song the choir sings, the words go something like this…His life for mine, His life for mine, How could it ever be?, That He would die, God’s Son would die, to save a wretch like me?, What love divine, He gave His life for mine….(Songwriter, Rebecca J. Peck).

So, this year I am gonna celebrate what Jesus did for all of us that day and I am gonna remember that Easter Monday is coming! What if all that is happening in this world is to get our attention off work, projects and other people and get our attention on God? It is something to think about…

Tonight I sit and think to myself, “What will the next 30 days bring”? After being in a career for over 27 years , I have been mandated to stay at home. Many questions go through my mind. “Will I have career when I go back to work after the mandate is lifted”? “Will I have to start all over again just like someone starting out in the industry”?Many people are asking themselves these questions. Many are experiencing a “new normal” or a “drastic change” in their lives. How do we walk down the road many of us find ourselves going down? How can we help others who find themselves on the same path? Let’s take a look at God’s Word and see if we can unpack the answers.

First, we can find over 300 verses in the Bible that tell us in one way or another to “fear not”. Isaiah 41:13-14 paints a beautiful picture of what God does for us when we are fearful. The Scripture says, “For I am the Lord your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you. Do not fear; I will help you declares the Lord, your Redeemer.” (New International Version). It is comforting to know He is ready and able to take our hand and guide us down an unknown path. Our new path of uncertainty can seem overwhelming and we cannot see the outcome in our finite minds. But God can, for He is an all-knowing, all-seeing God. Mark 10:27 says, “Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but not with God. For all things are possible with God.” (English Standard Version).

Second, we know God is faithful. How many times have we thought to ourselves, “this is just too hard”? Yet, even though we did not know how we would make it through, we did. God was faithful the whole way through the circumstances we were facing. 2 Thessalonians 3:3 says, “But the Lord is faithful and He will strengthen you and protect you from the evil one (Satan).” (New International Version). God will always provide a way of escape from the evil one. When we face circumstances beyond our control it is easy to fall into the lies Satan tries to whispers to us.

In times of chaos and uncertainty, we forget to think about what possibilities lie on the other side of what we are going through. What if instead of fret and worry, we look forward to what lies ahead and consider creating a new normal? What is something we are doing now we would like to correct in the next few weeks, so that when we resume our work schedules we have less stress and more fulfilled days? Pressing into the One who holds our future is a great place to start. Slowing down may be just what He has in mind for all of us, so we should probably stop and listen.

I know in my own life I have in recent years taken on way too much and tried to do way too much. Recently, I got so sick I stayed home from work for two days and rested. Staying home when I could have pushed myself and gone to work is out of character for me. But in my heart I knew it was the right thing to do. I listened to body for a change and decided to do what it was screaming for…rest! Now that I have to stay home, I want to make the best of the time and rest and take on the task of really getting my house organized, so that when I return to work my life can be as stress-free as possible.

Maybe God is giving us all the chance to hit the do-over button!