I don’t know about any of you, but some days I think songwriters like Jeremy Camp and Matthew West know my every thought. The songs they sing seem like they were written for just me, but we all know that isn’t true. Songs hit home for so many of us. I love music and a lot of times it feels like it heals my soul. I have always love to sing all the time. Doesn’t matter if it is a commercial jingle or a song on the radio, if it gets in my head I am going to be in the car or around the house singing. My friend Roberta, has a son named Caleb. Well one day Caleb, after listening to many of my song outburst, said if they ever make a movie of your life, it will definitely be a musical! We laughed and laughed and I have never forgotten him saying that because it was funny and true.
Today, I was on the way home from going walking with my baby cousin, Jennifer. Most of the time Jennifer, Josh, Karlee, Billy and I, and sometimes Laney are all walking together. We do it most every afternoon. If you are looking for us around 5:30, we are probably walking our usual 3 to 4 miles in their neighborhood or the beautiful greenway we now have behind the hospital. We walk and solve all the worlds problems, while we get ready for the pregnancy care center 5k next weekend. Well, today it was just me and Jennifer and I talked her head off like normal, (sometimes I hush and let her talk)… She is the baby cousin on my Dad’s side of the family and one of the biggest encouragers I have ever had. She helps me with school work and proof reads my papers. She tells me I can finish school, when there are days I think I may throw my computer through a wall and give up. She never lets me give up.
So, today on my way home from her house and our walk together, I heard Jeremy Camp’s, “Out of my hands”. Side note: on the way to her house I was dancing in the car when leaving my street and a man driving by looked at me like I was crazy! I guess he doesn’t dance in his car and do drum solos on the steering wheel. Bless him! He don’t know what fun is. Anyway, I was flipping through the radio stations and singing along when I stopped on Jeremy’s song. Right then and there riding down the road, I had my own worship service in my car! If you haven’t heard the song, please look it up and listen. Trust me, it will be worth it. The words of the song that get to me are, “when I feel like all this pain is never gonna end, brought to my knees by all of these things I don’t understand, I will let the weight of my fear fall like sand, out of my hands into yours, out of my hands into yours… he goes on to repeat, “take this out of my hands, take this out of my hands”.
I think that part and those words get to me because there are so many things I do not understand. I do not understand most things that go on politically these days. I don’t understand why my sweet friend and co-worker lost her son and mom and twin sister in a matter of 5 years, leaving her dazed and confused. I don’t understand why my sweet, precious son-in-law is gone. Why my friend, Irene, lost her sweet husband or why my neighbor, Lynn, lost his precious wife. I don’t understand why my friend Angie is gone, leaving a husband who is reeling from loss and her awesome mom and children in a deep state of grief. I do not understand why my sweet baby cousin and her brother have to live without my aunt, their Mom. My aunt never saw any of her grandbabies, none of them were here yet. She would have been the best grandma!
So, while I could go on and on of things I don’t understand, there is one thing I know. I know I can let the weight of my fears fall like sand. I can let that fear fall right into the hands of my Savior. He can take all my fears and walk with me through it all. He will not only walk with me, He will take away all my fear and fight for me, when I cannot fight for myself. We do not have to understand everything. We just don’t. What we do have to understand is there is a plan for every thing under the sun. One day Jesus will tell us exactly why the things that shake us to our core had to happen. He will show us why He needed us to simply trust in Him. He will never let you down, or steer you wrong. He is always right there.
I know this part may sound crazy, but every time I hear the song “Say I won’t” by Mercy Me, a few lines makes me think of Nolan and smile. The song is about a man who lost all his limbs from septic shock. I understand the song, but there is a few lines of that song that gives me chills and makes me want to shout. “I’m gonna run, no I’m gonna fly. I’m gonna know what it means to not just live but to be alive”. (Mercy Me). Let me tell you why that gets to me. I want to tell you something, Nolan is more alive today than he has ever been! Angie Outlaw, is more alive today than she has ever been! And I can go on and on! They are living a life we only dream about. They are running the streets of gold, singing with the angels, and sitting at the feet of Jesus and hearing stories we can only dream about right now. I think about Nolan dancing and singing. He was so good at both those things and he is doing it for real right now. He is running, he is flying, he is just learning what it is to truly be alive. He is in the arms of his Savior! Just imagine it!
My baby cousin, Jennifer and I talk about it often. Her mom is spoiling Nolan some kind of good right now. Imagine it, let it soak in. They are living a life we all dream of, strive for and are promised because we have faith in our Savior. I am ready! I don’t know about you, but He can come get us anytime! In the meantime, love hard, love often, and love even the unlovable. God has a plan for us. Everyone of us!
Digging Deeper 